The Job: Chatting over Noodles

Today I had lunch down in the café with Tim and Rachel, two other members of the English content team. In case their names didn’t tip you off to their gaijin heritage.

Tim’s one of those guys who couldn’t be bothered to develop a fashion sense of his own, and defaulted to “clean-cut” because it helps you get jobs and some women have a kink for that sort of thing. That’s not meant as an insult, by the way; I’ve never really trusted people who have a handle on fashion.

And Rachel… Rachel’s excited to be in Japan. She makes me feel bad for not knowing all her anime references, and she presents me daily with the uncomfortable possibility that I would be a happier person if I embraced geekiness rather than publically distancing myself from it.

Today the conversation is about work, and the ongoing process of getting comfortable in the company’s specific take on Japanese corporate culture.

“Tadashi kinda reminds me of…” starts Rachel, then thinks better of it, an anime reference dying in her throat. (no, I’m not an omniscient narrator, I’m just presumptuous)

“Tadashi seems nervous about something,” she amends. Tadashi’s our handler, a young aide to Yamata-san who speaks English on his behalf. “Like he thinks there’s a spy on our team.”

“A spy?” says Tim. “Corporate or double-oh-seven?”

“That’s the thing,” Rachel says. “It sounds like he’s looking for something ideological.”

“Terrorist, then?” I offer.

“Kinda. When I was in his office this morning, he was asking me all these questions, like he was trying to get me to let something slip. Like he expects me to steal the Hyperreal process, or blow up the building where they make them.”

“Hyperreal” is what the holograms are called. Because they look real.

“God, the company has a huge ego about these things,” I say, pushing curry udon around in my bowl. “Or maybe it’s just Yamata, and he’s got Tadashi running around trying to safeguard it like it was the cure for ball cancer.”

Oh god, sometimes I just say things. “Ball cancer”? I mean, Tim and Rachel are adults, they’re not offended, but where the hell did that come from? I swear to God, when I work blue I usually try to put more effort into it than that.

“I think he’s gone through most of the English-language team,” said Rachel, “so if there’s a spy, it’s pretty much gotta be one of you two.” She leans toward Tim. “You?”

She’s trying to make him uncomfortable, I think, in a flirty way. I guess I’m jealous, but if I wanted that kind of attention I could dress better and make an effort to look more flappable, so it’s my own fault I don’t get women trying to push me out of my comfort zone.

“Maybe,” says Tim. “For the right amount of money I would. Not the blowing-up thing, I guess.”

There’s a pause. “What, you’re not going to interrogate me?” I ask, visibly hurt.

“No, it’s definitely you,” she says. “Tim’s clean, but you just have this-”

“Aura of treachery,” I say. She nods solemnly, still kidding. She changes the subject, and the conversation ultimately turns to maid cafes, somehow.

Sounds like Tadashi’s been through just about everybody, though, so if there’s really a spy on our team, I guess it’s Tim. Or someone who’s good at lying, I guess. You wouldn't hire a guy to sabotage a company unless he could pass an "are you evil" interview, would you?